The history of dating

For our young adult ministry, Liquid Tuesdays, we are doinga series on dating.  I started out theseries with a brief history of dating. Many young adults who are finding dating to be anything but enjoyable intoday’s culture, find some relief in knowing that this thing called dating hasnot been around for a very long time.

The earliest one can find the word “dating” in print is1914, and that’s about how old it is. Before that, courtship reigned in the Victorian age for several hundredyears.  Before that, of course, wasarranged marriages.  The idea of findingone’s true love for marriage would have been a strange concept for people inmany cultures, for many thousands of years. Social, financial or familial reasons would have been much biggerfactors in finding a spouse.  Also, theidea of  individuals making all their owndecisions about marriage would have been just plain weird.  Families got together to talk, matchmakerswere procured, dowries or other considerations would have been hashed out.  The advent of the automobile really launchedthe idea of the modern date, as now the couple could leave the hawking eyes offamily members and head out to dinner and a movie. 

The sad thing about the history of dating is that in thepast several decades it has taken a significant moral downturn.  The 60’s and 70’s brought about theprominence of sex in the relationship, the 80’s brought legwarmers, the 90’sbrought fierce independence and emo-angst. The TV show Friends revealed a trend of casual friendship dating,friends with benefits, and dating that is generally not headed towardmarriage.  And now we are seeing a wholenew revolution called internet dating, which allows people to meet in virtualreality without the risk of in-person rejection.

Where all this will go is anyone’s guess.  But I personally hope that younger adultswill reclaim some of the positive aspects of the past, without losing what hasbeen learned in the present.  I hope theywill allow for a healthy community to be active in the process (the church),allow dating to be headed toward relational permanence (marriage), and thatthey will allow Jesus to be the center of their relationship(Christianity). 

It all makes me very glad that I am not in today’s datinggame.

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How I knew she was the one

Today marks my wedding anniversary.

I met my wife at college. When I saw her, some swooning orchestral music began to play and angels danced. The room turned bright pink and started to spin around whilst cupids shot their tiny bows in my direction. (Notice how smoothly I dropped a KJV bomb in that last sentence--whilst).

Nah, actually it wasn’t like that at all. Here’s what really happened:

We were at a retreat and she caught my eye. So I did what every good Christian playah would do: I figured out where she was sitting and sat my Bible next to her seat. Then, after she sat down, I came in with my most innocent “nice guy” look and sat down next to her (swagger like Mark Wahlberg, innocence of Seth Rogan). I must admit, It was one of my best all time moves. But as soon as I sat down, she grabbed her stuff and moved seats. Ouch! Male ego taken down several notches.

But I wasn’t done yet. I had many other moves. I found out that she needed some help on a creative project, so I offered my assistance. As I colored in nametags with neon colored magic markers, I was sure she was wooed by my sensitive side. Then I pulled out the big guns. I “forgot” my sweater when I left.

Oh yea, that’s how I roll.

I pursued her like this for some time. She was still not as impressed with me, as I was enamored by her. Eventually my insecurity won out and I pressured her into making a “decision” about dating me. I gave her a little slip of paper and it said: “Do you like me? Circle Yes or No.” Well, not quite that bad, but it was that immature.

But I’m so glad she said yes.

I knew within weeks that this was someone that I could marry, and that was the critical difference from the other girls that I had dated. It wasn’t too long before could marry turned to should marry turned to must marry. We dated for about 2 years, got engaged, married, and lived happily ever after. Or something like that.

So how did I know she was the one for me? Well, I just knew. And I can’t imagine my life without her.

Check out this popular post: when should I get married.