I started working with teens when I was still a teen myself. When I graduated college, I took the role as our church’s youth director, and that eventually became my first ministry job. And my second. Even though I have a long history of working with teenagers, I always knew the day would come when I would have one of my own, and that no amount of preparation would make it any easier. That day has come, so I decided to make a list of my top 10 ways for parents to connect with their teens.
#10 Remember what it was like to be a teen yourself.
It’s easy to forget how tough it was to be a teenager. Do you remember the awkwardness? The extreme fluctuation in emotions? Acne? The first time you felt rejected? Being a teen is a mild form of trauma. Remembering that will give you much more empathy.
#9 Don’t talk down to them.
I’m not sure if there is a faster way to turn off a teen then by talking to them as if they are a little child. It’s tempting to do, especially when they are acting like one. “If you’re going to act like a baby, then I’m going to treat you like one” *wags finger*. But this tone does the opposite of what you want, creating distance between you.
#8 Point out something good they do every day (even when it’s hard to find).
Some days this is easy, some days this is hard. But it’s more important when it's one of the hard days. Sometimes our teens feel like we are at war with them. We have to show them that we aren’t, and that we are really pulling for them to succeed.
#7 Don’t irritate them.
This one may be the hardest to enact. Most teens have a very low tolerance for parents’ annoyances. It doesn’t take much to set them off. But since that is true, we should never do it on purpose. This may seem obvious, but many parents push their teen’s buttons simply out of their own frustration.
#6 Say “no” to them.
Saying “no” to a teenager is no easy accomplishment. But they may ask for things that will put distance between you, so saying “yes” is not always the best option. “Hey mom, can I stay up late? Can I drive the car? Can I get this tattoo on my face?”
#5 Monitor their friendships.
I know this doesn’t sound like a way to connect, but it is. The wrong friendship will tear your teen away from you faster than you can say “Lindsay Lohan.” Of course the older they get, this will become less and less possible, so start when they are younger.
#4 Allow them more and more liberties.
I think a parent makes a big mistake by allowing everything to younger children. For instance, if a 9 year old gets a cell phone, a Facebook account, and a fake I.D., you will have very little to offer later in life. A good rule of thumb is to allow an increasing amount of responsibility as a child gets older. Giving a teen some new right, without them earning it, is a great way to acknowledge that they are becoming an adult. They will thank you for it (but probably not out loud).
#3 Do something with them that they enjoy, just the two of you.
This is the most fun one of the list. Study your teen, know what they like, and surprise them by taking them out for a fun night—one on one. It’s amazing how this will increase the communication and trust levels. Then turn this step into a habit!
#2 Tell them and show them that you love them.
Then Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
#1 Point them to Jesus
Without a connection to God, teens will walk further and further away from you. Nothing is more important than organically pointing teenagers to the love of God, found through his Son.
My friend Aaron highly recommends this helpful book for parents of teens.
What would you add to this list?
If you like my blog, then LIKE my blog!
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar