How to keep Facebook from ruining your relationships

Facebook has been around for almost 7 years now, and if you’re like me, it just feels like a normal part of your life. Google + is growing fast, and will only increase the amount of time we spend “socially networking” with friends and relatives. There is no doubt in my mind that Facebook has brought new levels of connections to my life. Old friends, friends who live far away, long lost relatives, and meeting new friends—all are brought closer with Facebook.

On the other hand, there are a few areas where Facebook has the tendency to diminish relationships. Friendships that could increasingly become “a mile wide, and an inch deep.” Here are some of those areas, and how to avoid putting a damper on your friendships:

1. Pictures. Do you remember a time when only your close personal friends/relatives saw your photo albums? If you got married, for instance, you would spend some time showing the wedding album to your closest circle. This act, like many others, brought a certain bond between you and an intimate few. It was a way of singling out your besties. These chosen few felt closer to you because you thought of them first.
   What can be done: Show your pictures in real life to this group before posting them.
2. Birthdays. I used to mark birthdays on my calendar as a way to remember people in a more personal way. I used to enjoy seeing that look on the face of a co-worker that said, “you remembered!” Birthdays used to be a way to build closeness and let people know you were thinking of them. Recently I tried wishing a co-worker a Happy Birthday but realized I was like 92nd in line to do so.
   What can be done: Go old fashion and buy a card or small gift that is unique to that person’s interest.
3. Big news! I got invited to a close friend’s wedding via a mass status update. Everyone was invited as long as they were a “friend.” There was no paper invitation. It’s cool that we can invite people faster and easier with Facebook, but big news used to be another way to add depth to our relationships. When I got engaged, I remember making a list of the order of just the phone calls I needed to make…Parents first, close relatives, best friend…etc.
   What can be done: Tell your big news in person first! Then, if it’s appropriate, publish the information online.
4. Gossip. It’s uncanny how many times I have seen people pass along personal and hurtful information publically on Facebook. Once the information is posted, the third party inevitably finds out about it due to the pervasive and viral nature of social media. Feelings are hurt, friendships are broken. I once witnessed a full blown war between two people on Facebook. Friends from both sides were hurling virtual rocks in defense of the other. It was vicious. Those two people still don’t talk to each other.
   What can be done: After you post something about someone else, read and re-read it to make sure there is nothing sensitive, or that it can’t be taken the wrong way by someone. If you’re not sure, don’t post it. If someone says something about you, only reply in person.
5. Apps. Some people have a good time playing Facebook apps like Frontierville, Café world, or _____. This can be a good way to let off steam and compete with friends. But there is also a danger of becoming addicted in a way that cripples your real world relationships.
   What can be done: If you are feeling like you are addicted, quit! Go find someone in real life and enjoy their company instead.

Good read on the subject.