What are you trying to say?

The other day I was meeting with a community outreach organizer for York city. We decided to meet at Starbucks, which is unfortunate, since I gave up caffeinated coffee a while back (read about this silly idea). He ordered a frappe, I ordered a decaf (*cough* LOSER!). The barista asked what size he wanted. He said medium.

When he said medium, I swear I heard tires screeching and dishes crashing. (Actually I didn’t swear because of this post.) The barista looked up at him with a confused look, as if to ask him what hole he crawled out of.

I whispered grande,
and immediately the wheels of Starbucks started back into motion again.

He’s not alone either. I go to Starbucks fairly regularly, and I can never remember that a small is really a tall. It just doesn’t seem right.

A friend of mine was telling me the other day about a service she went to where the minister might as well have been speaking in another language. It was like he wanted to impress people with the theological nuance he had acquired with years of study and education. People in the audience simply had no clue what he was trying to say. I can’t help wonder why this is still true in many (most?) churches. Every fiber of my being aches to make God’s truth known to people in clear and accessible ways.

Should we really need a decoder ring at church?

Should only people in the “in crowd” of Christ-followers be the ones that get it? Like some kind of inside joke?

And are these the same questions people asked about the Pharisees?

Is swearing really a big deal?

My wife was telling me that as a substitute teacher, times have changed. She said that she is not allowed to discipline if she hears a student drop the “f-bomb.” (The “F” is for fun!) She can only say something if they say the word to her directly.

When I was looking at some of the responses to Donald Miller’s gender posts last week, I noticed a bit of a trend. The person responding would list why Don's thoughts were not biblical, and then would throw in a few expletives to let you know just how unbiblical they really were.

Or, if a Christian wants to swear but doesn’t want to seem, well, un-Christian, they can simply use the many new letter codes that make up "Christian" obscenities. I will reserve listing them all here. (Jon Acuff says that I shouldn't know them anyway.)

There’s a growing number of Believers who argue that swearing is no big deal. A swear word is just a word. The context dictates whether or not it is used in a harmful way. No one should be judged by the word, only how the word is used.

But is this true? Here are some reasons that it isn't:

#1 Words are important.
The more we treat language loosely, the weaker our language becomes. The weaker the language, the wearker the society.  Words have meaning, and if we care about truth, we need to choose them carefully.

#2 Swearing shows a lack of discipline
It takes discipline to hold back from a choice word. It’s easy to swear. Finding a better word, one that builds up, rather than tears down, takes work.

#3 Swearing is still offensive to most people.
If I the next time I gave a message at church, I let loose a 4-letter word, what would the response be? *Gasp*  If it's offensive at church, shouldn't it be offensive in your home, or at work?

#4 God wants us to have wholesome language
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Despite what some argue, it is impossible to build someone up with obscenities.

What do you think?

One secret to a great marriage

I found out recently that a young married couple that I am friends with have a secret. It’s a deep dark secret that they don’t just share with anyone. But they let me in on it, and now I am going to tell you:

They use secret hand signals.

Oh yeah. Hand signals. All I could think of was, in 18 years of marriage why had I not thought of this?

For instance, when they are talking socially in a group, and one of them needs to break away from an awkward conversation, they have a signal for that. If it’s late, and it’s time to go home but they don’t want to be rude, they have a signal for that.

Now that I have broken into their little code, of course, they can no longer use these signals on me. I can go on being as awkward as I want to be, and I will remain…inescapable.

But I digress.

I wondered what hand signals I could begin to implement in my marriage? I could certainly use one for talking about stuff around my 3 children. Spelling words out no longer works when all of your kids can read. “Hey honey, do you think we should go to H-e-r-s-h-e-y Park this weekend?” I mean, even my 6 year figured that one out.

Or maybe I could use a secret hand signal at church? Like if the sermon is going too long, or if someone is telling me about their foot problem. This could be very useful. I would signal for my wife, and she would come rescue me from being perceived as rude.

And then there is the matter of what these secret signs should look like. I, for one, would like to use big swooping gestures. Like flapping my arms like a bird or jumping up and down on one leg. Probably I would like to add sound effects as well.

Subtle, I know.

What do you think? What would be the most useful time to have a secret hand signal?

Donald Miller’s controversial posts on gender and relationships

The more I looked at Donald Miller’s recent posts on gender and relationships (part 1 and part 2) the more my mouth dropped open. I am a big Don Miller fan, I have been for some time. I have read all of his books, followed his blog, and his To Own a Dragon is my all-time favorite book. And that’s really saying something.

So I was very interested what he would say about relationships, gender roles, and how to “write a good love story.” Wow, was he blunt! This did not seem like the bohemian Donald Miller that we are all accustomed to.

But I liked his bluntness. It seemed refreshing. Candid. Authentic. And those are also words that I equate with Donald Miller.

He took a lot of heat though. If you scan down through the hundreds of comments, you can see all kinds of criticism for his views. Some were upset about his word choices being demeaning to women (e.g., "slutty"). Some disagreed with the sentiment that men should step up and be the authors of the love story (which implies that women take a more passive role).

Working with young adults, I thought more of the women would be thrilled with what he wrote. It’s the kind of stuff twenty-something females complain about all the time. They consistently say they wish young men would step it up. Lead. Be more courteous. Have more spiritual backbone. Be less immature. Stop hanging out with loser friends. I was surprised that so many negative comments were from women.

All of this points to one conclusion. Our culture is very divided on the issue of gender. I think we want to have our cake and we want to eat our cake. That is, we want men and women to play the same roles, AND we want them to play the traditional roles that we admire in our grandparents. We want a woman to be Carrie Bradshaw, and we want her to be Ruth Graham. We want a man to be Ashton Kutcher, AND we want him to be John Eldredge.

But I’m not sure we can be both.

What did you think about Donald Miller’s post? What’s your thoughts on this hot-button issue?

Baptism...How embarassing!

My two oldest (10, 13) are getting baptized in a couple of weeks. It’s pretty exciting. My youngest isn’t ready yet. I knew that because the other day she asked what a baptism was, and I explained it. After a lengthy adult discourse and definition of baptism, she looked at me and said she was sure she could do it. I said, “how do you know?” She said, it was easy, “I can hold my breath for 10 seconds under water.”

If you are a Christ follower, but have not yet responded in obedience to being baptized, you should! It’s not only a way to obey God’s command, but it is a huge encouragement to those who participate to see what God has done in your life! Plus, I believe there are huge spiritual benefits for taking this step of obedience. One of the problems for people who have been Christians a while is that it can be embarrassing to get baptized later in life. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Consequently, a person may put it off even longer.

It’s kind of like my stinking wisdom teeth that just now my dentist is telling me he wants to take out. I kind of feel silly for not having them out earlier, but it’s too late.

It’s also how Peter must have felt when Jesus said he was going to wash his feet. “You’re not going to wash my feet Lord!” Peter barked. It was embarrassing. But really, this kind of embarrassment is just misguided pride. Peter was too prideful to allow Jesus to wash his feet. Because if Jesus had humbled himself before Peter, then Peter would have had to humble himself below others he saw himself above. But fortunately Peter did allow it. It was because Jesus said, “unless you let me wash your feet, you will have no part in me.” Ouch. And baptism is similar according to the Scriptures. It is something that we need to allow God to do for us in order for us to better serve others.

I’m so glad my kids have decided they want to get baptized. How about you?

What's wrong with the sinner's prayer?

I first heard of the so-called “sinner’s prayer” when I was just a kid. Someone said I needed to ask Jesus into my heart, and so I did. I meant every word, and it stuck. However, countless amounts of people through the years have been told the same thing…but it doesn’t seem to always…stick.

You know what I mean.

The prayer formula goes something like this: “Dear Lord, I confess that I am a sinner. I ask forgiveness for all of my sins. I ask that Jesus would come into my heart and take those sins away. Fill me with your Holy Spirit…Amen.”

There are many varieties, but that is the gist of it.

The problem with the prayer is that it is not always from the heart. Since it is often repeated or said in a group, the person repeating it doesn’t have to mean it. They may be feeling no different than the way Jack felt when he acquired a handful of magic beans.

But there is a bigger problem still. People who have prayed this prayer have often been told that they are eternally saved—that they need not fear because “once saved always saved,” and “anyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved.” Now while I believe these sentiments, I do not like how they are applied to the magic prayer. Why? Because I know too many people holding onto this prayer as if it is a kind of “get-out-of-jail-free” card. They feel that since they prayed the prayer, they no longer have to worry. The problem is, their lives remain unaffected. The Spirit of God has not entered in. Nothing has changed. There is no fruit which would reveal a transformed heart.

There’s nothing wrong with helping people pray to Jesus and even giving them the words to say. But if you are in a position of spiritual power, please think twice before you sell magic beans with the promise to take people into heaven…the Kingdom of God is so much more than that!

Another post on prayer...

Why God loves to use the weak

If you do not always feel strong, powerful, put-together, popular, gorgeous, perfect, or generally worthy—you’re in good shape!

God would love to use you for his purposes.

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong (1 Cor. 1:27).

I was watching Captain America yesterday and was intrigued with the reason Steve Rogers was chosen to become a super-soldier. It was not because of his strength. It was because he was, well, wimpy. But even though he was physically weak, he had a strong inner self. The scientist chose him because since he had been bullied, he would never become a bully himself.

I was never a clear candidate to be a leader for anything. I was never the fastest, strongest, tallest, best looking, or most in command. In 8th grade, I was the shortest boy in a large class. This fact was made more humiliating in that we had an 8th grade graduation and marched according to height. Oh yes we did. And yet, God has continued to increase my responsibility, and has repeatedly allowed me to lead in various capacities. Why does God revel in using the weak to do his work? Here’s a few possible reasons:

#1 God uses the weak because they embrace compassion.
A strong person may never know what it means to be at the bottom. When I was about 10 years old, I was standing in a soup kitchen line to get dinner with my mother. I was the kid who got “free lunch” at school, and wore ratty clothes. Even though I was only poor for a brief period of my life, I will never forget what it felt like.

#2 God uses the weak because of the seduction of power.
Those who have known an absence of power in their lives, are keenly aware of how it can be abused. They may have been victims of the abuse of power. There is a sensitivity to how power is used, and that it is used for good. Of course in time, anyone can be seduced by power in a way that uses it in harmful ways.

#3 God uses the weak because he gets all the credit.
People really take notice when God uses small people in big ways. Notice the reaction in Acts 4:13: When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. The credit goes where it belongs—to Jesus!

#4 God uses the weak because of the upside-down nature of the kingdom
Jesus teaches that the first will be last, the last will be first. He teaches that those who want to be strong, should become weak. He shows us what a true hero looks like—one who sacrifices his life for others. Using “weak” people makes perfect sense in the kingdom of God.

So if you have a weakness, take heart! God loves to use us weak people. He will use you!

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