One of these things is not like the other

Matthew, 5 and Kara, 6

So I’m getting a lot of stares these days. A person will look at me, and then they will look down my arm, which is attached to my adopted Ethiopian son’s little arm, and then look at him. Then they look at him, then at me. Repeat. It becomes one of those moments when you want to use that playground phrase that was popular in kindergarten: “take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

I actually wasn’t prepared for the kind of attention adopting Matthew would bring. We were told this would happen upon becoming an “inter-racial family,” but I guess I didn’t believe it. On the airplane coming home, my wife was convinced she was getting shoved by some people as they walked down the aisle. That’s because some Ethiopians view adoption as a negative. It feels to them like stealing their children. The guy who sold me shoes the other day wasn’t sure what to think either. He was African American and had this look on his face like, “where’s that kids father.” I wanted to ask him if he thought he looked “just like me.” (10 people have told me that Matthew looks “just like me.” And yes, I am counting...because it’s funny.)

An elderly lady thought it was the cutest thing seeing us together. She just kept on smiling the whole time we walked by, and shaking her head. I doubt she would have had that reaction if it was my other son with me. He doesn’t actually look that much like me, but he’s white, so there’s that. And I guess that’s what all the stares are really about.  It’s our superficial response to the first impression. It’s only been about a week, so I had better get used to it.

When we begin to see that we are literally part of God’s family, our differences begin to diminish. It no longer matters what we look like, or who our parents are. Our human identity, although important, becomes secondary to our spiritual identity as children of God. When we begin to believe this, the church will become a more ecclectic place, filled with all the beauty of all the nations.

The spiritual practice of "cocooning"

So there’s an adoption practice known as “cocooning.” It’s what you’re supposed to do after you bring your adopted child home. According to most experts, the child is not to be exposed to very many people for at least a month. It is related to attachment, which is the goal of the first several months after adoption. Attachment happens when the child feels that he can’t live without you, similar to the way a biological child feels. Mom and dad are the only ones that are supposed to feed, clothe, take care of and nurture a child until attachment takes place.

So we started this process with Matthew (pictured above), and of course it is difficult since he is a 5 year old boy. He would much rather be climbing a tree with a friend, or maybe even owling. But it is true that the newness of all this leaves him overwhelmed when there are too many new people around. You could imagine how it would feel to hear all these strange looking white people speaking all this gibberish. Plus, everything is a first. Just on the way from the airport to our home he encountered a number of firsts: first water-fountain (“bubblah” for my RI friends), first escalator (he decided to take the stairs), first McDonald’s cheeseburger (he didn’t care for the pickles), and first car ride on a super-highway.

I was thinking that this practice is something we Christians need to do. We forget to periodically take time to be with God in an intense, exclusive, and utterly dependent way for the purpose of attachment. The goal is the same: we need to get to the place where we can’t live without him.

Can you say that you can’t live without him? Is he the most important person in your life? Is he what your heart longs for?

Going to get Matthew

On Monday morning I sat down at my desk and received an email letting me know that we can finally bring Matthew home from Ethiopia. The first date to get him was only 2 days away, so we chose the second which is for next week. Naturally we are all very excited, but we are also a bit frantic trying to make preparations for his arrival. This week we bought his new bed at Wal-Mart, continued working on our home addition (thanks to my friend Jeremy) and are trying to dry out the basement which flooded (thanks to my friend Irene). My wife has already placed Matthew’s picture around our home so that he will immediately feel a part of the family when he arrives. We want him to feel like he has always been here.

In all of our preparations, I could not help thinking that as God’s adopted children he is making preparations for us.

When Jesus is telling his disciples that he is going to be leaving them, they are very sad about it. Here is what he tells them to bring them some comfort (John 14:1-3 NLT):

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

So we should take heart. In this world filled with many trials and troubling things, God is preparing for your arrival as His adopted child. He has an incredible home for you, one where you get to be in the presence of Jesus. One of the rooms has your name on the door. He has your picture on his wall. He thinks about you every single day. He has wonderful things for you, and he doesn’t shop at Wal-Mart.

Have you thought about it this way?

Who's your daddy?

One of the strange things about meeting Matthew for the first time was that we were not allowed to address him as “Mommy” and “Daddy.” Since he is not legally adopted yet, we had to sort of fake it.

We know we are to become his mom and dad, but he does not.

Matthew doesn’t have a father. His father died of TB when he was only 2 years old. Matthew’s life has taken a turn since that time. Consider all of the things that have changed:

• He is now an orphan. He has no family.
• His home is an orphanage.
• His economic situation is dire.
• His health is poor.
• I could go on and on.  But you get the picture.

Even though his situation is about to change, he doesn’t know it. He life is about to shift from no-family to family. But he doesn’t have to accept it.

Could you imagine if he continued to live like an orphan?

• He rejected us as mom and dad
• He refused love, acceptance, and family
• He continued to wear his old clothes, eat the same food
• He refused education, his new bed, his new siblings

A person could be part of a new family, but refuse to live like it. We could have all the rights, privileges, love, family and acceptance, but not embrace these things. Paul says it this way in Romans 8:15-17:

…The Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

The biggest difference you will see in your life as a Christ-follower will only be realized when you fully embrace your new status as a true child of God. You are no longer an orphan, you are his child!

Boost my self-esteem by “liking” me on Facebook.

Are you living in the light of God's Adoption???

A friend of mine and fellow blogger recently posted about the surprising power of seeing herself as a daughter of God. Notice I called her a fellow blogger, as if I regularly posted something of significance to read *cough, cough*.

Nevertheless, I have been thinking about the very same theme for my own life since God put us on a journey of adoption. Except not the daughter part. The adoption process has brought a very tangible and constant reminder of what God, through Jesus, did for me. In a very real sense, those who put their trust in Him have been adopted. Everything about us changes. We once were fatherless, and now our Father is the most powerful, most loving, and most resourced of all the fathers. We once had no inheritance, but now we are promised the riches of the King of all the kings. Our identities were once insecure: who am I really? We once felt small, petty, wondering what we were about, where were headed. But now we have been given Roots. We know exactly who we are, and it is grand. We are sons and daughters of the most High and Lofty God. His eternal life pulses in our hearts.

My biggest change in perspective lately has been to make these theological and abstract truths much more concrete and actual. I always thought of my spiritual adoption as merely theoretical. It’s true, but what does it really do for me. But lately I am living in the light of a new reality: God has literally and actually adopted me. His Fatherhood supersedes my literal and familial history! My trepidation, anxieties, fears, insecurities, and general feelings of smallness have been enveloped in His massive hands. He is smiling down on us and gently asking: do you realize what I have done for you, my child? My son? My daughter?

My biggest question for Christ-followers is this: are you living in the literal reality of your new status as an adopted son or daughter of God? Or are you just looking at is as hypothetical? What a difference this fact has on our everyday lives! For example: when you walk into a new setting with people you perceive to be somehow “above” you, the reality starts to set in: my Dad is the King of all the kings. I am his son and am deeply cherished. I have all of His resources at my disposal through prayer. Notice how your behavior begins to change! Now realize this is no cheap mind trick or feel good self-help technique. I’m talking about the fundamental reality that is at the heart of a changed identity in Christ and simply believing it in a deeper and more literal way.

I mean check out what God says in his Book!
But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. (Galatians 4:4-7, NIV)

Notice it doesn’t say: you are LIKE his child, it says that you ARE his child.
Time to start living like it!