When should I get married?

A good friend was chatting with me over lunch about marriage. The question at the table: should young adults be encouraged to get married younger, or wait until they are more mature?

It’s no secret that marriage has taken a beating in our society—divorce rates, media messages, Charlie Sheen (need I say more?). As a result, twenty-somethings are getting married much later in life. In 1960, two-thirds (68%) of all twenty-somethings were married. In 2008, it was down to 26%. Social scientist, Mark Regnerus, recently made the point that in biblical times, Paul had to argue that singleness was a viable option to marriage. But now, it seems, the argument needs to be made for marriage. It’s as if people forgot how beautiful and fulfilling marriage really is. As if they look at it as something to be avoided until the last hour when it’s time to grow up and get serious. Regnerus concludes that because of this mentality, twenty-somethings are giving up some of the best married years of their lives.

Of course, we all know that couple that should have waited a few more years to get married.

I was married at the tender age of 21 and I had no doubts it was the right decision. 18 years later, and I still have no doubts. Was I crazy to get married so early? Shouldn’t I have spent more time “finding myself”, “playing the field”, and pulling all-nighters playing x-box? Why in the world would I give those things up so early in my life?

Besides how incredible my wife is, I have three reasons:

1. Because a monogamous marriage is God’s idea.  I mean, check it out. It’s all over his Book. He’s got the patent on the whole “one man for one woman” thing. And it works too. Especially when He’s at the center. He loves marriage because he invented it. (Things get pretty messy when the patent is changed, though—three’s a crowd.)
2. Because marriage offers relational permanence.  That’s the whole “one flesh” concept (Gen. 2:24). It’s awesome. The longer you’re married, the more intimacy is possible, the closer you can get. With God’s help, divorce does not have to be an option when conflicts arise.
3. Because marriage is the place for life-giving sexuality.  There’s an expression that I absolutely hate. “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?” And yet, it’s how things seem in our over-sexed culture right now. I have heard many express their disdain for marriage, ending in this phrase. If we reserve sexuality and true intimacy for marriage, it elevates the worth of marriage, and lowers the risk of divorce.

So, don’t get married if you are not ready. And there is never a reason to rush into it. But don’t have a negative view of it either that pushes it off too long. You will never get back these invigorating years of your life.