How to reply to a "preaching" compliment

There is a funny phenomenon that pastors face on a weekly basis—how to reply to a “preaching” compliment. Don’t get me wrong, everyone enjoys verbal encouragement after pouring out their hearts in a message. But replying to a preaching compliment is no easy matter. The tension is between looking like an arrogant jerk or sounding inauthentic by using God-talk.

For instance, I’m walking off the stage, and someone says: Pastor Rob you did a great job. I have two basic choices. I can either say, “thank you” and appear as if I am receiving the credit. Or I can take the “spiritual” way and say, “well, don’t praise me, praise the Lord!”

But my message wasn’t THAT good.

I mean, if it were really all God and none of me in the message, it would be a much, MUCH, better message. We’re talking about full-on revival here. But the truth is, as much as a pastor tries to rely on the Spirit of God in a message, it’s always going to be a blend of God stuff and human stuff. (I actually think that God likes it that way too.)

So personally I tend to walk a middle ground of saying “thank you” with my lips, but in my heart doing some spiritual jujitsu. Inside, I try to imagine that any praise I receive bounces off me and heads straight to heaven where it belongs. I mean, after all he created me. He gave me any gifts I may have. He gave me the calling and the purpose in my life. It is he who redeemed me.

I imagine we could all apply this principal in our daily lives. Any time we receive a compliment we can inwardly give it up to God.  You don't have to be giving a message.

So the next time someone compliments you, don’t feel like you have to sound overly spiritual. But allow all the praise you receive to reflect up to him where it belongs!

The Beauty was in their Faces!

When I travelled to Ethiopia I had one prayer before I left. It was simply this: Lord, show me your beauty in this place. When our group arrived at the airport, we came face to face with some pretty ugly behavior. Men toting automatic weapons demanded that we allow them to search all of our belongings, including our medical supplies. They held us up for hours, and for no reasonable explanation they confiscated much of our needed supplies. They told us we could come back the next day, and if they felt like it, we could get them back.

Driving through the city of Addis Ababa was also glum. I was still praying to see the beauty of God in this place, but the city cried in desperation for help - run down buildings, burnt out cars, roads that needed repair. Anyplace that wasn’t a road seemed to be mud. Not a big fan. The hotel was nice, but it was a constant reminder to me that as Americans in this place, we were the “haves”. A glimpse out my window to the rear of the hotel reminded me that we were surrounded by the “have-nots.”

The next day, the medical clinic was swarming with people in dire need of help. All kinds of ailments and diseases were represented. Our doctors told us that many of the sicknesses could have been cured by a $10 visit to the pharmacist back home. But who had $10 here? Might as well have been $10,000. As a result small ailments become full blown health issues. Where was the beauty in this?

I prayed in earnest for God to show me his beauty. And he answered that prayer! As a part of our “village team,” we began to do daily work at the schools with the children, and we also paid visits to people with HIV and AIDs. The beauty was in their faces. And the beauty was overwhelming. What I had missed before I saw so clearly now. It was if Jesus himself was shining through every smile, every touch, every embrace.

My lesson was well learned. Stop looking for beauty in your surroundings. See it in the people who are all around you. You don’t have to go to a foreign land to see God’s beauty in their faces!

What does it mean to love mercy?

A couple years ago I was impatiently waiting for my allergy appointment, when I was suddenly irritated by a loud commotion. Two young teenage girls came bustling in—with no parents. It’s a small waiting area, filled with clean-cut, corn-fed, American families, so what drew our attention first was their outfits. The quiet one’s outfit was fairly plain, and only a tad scanty. But the other was really going for it. She was of the “Goth” type, her outfit mostly black, pale skin, dark mascara—you’ve seen her type before. She had piercings on places that I didn’t know they allowed piercings. Her skirt was hiked up and her black boots said “don’t mess with me.” She appeared to have a permanent snarl on her face.

The other thing that was hard not to notice is that as they walked in, they were proudly holding hands while conspicuously fawning all over each other. In this family-friendly, York County waiting room, It was immediately scandalous. (*Gasps* from the crowd.)

The Goth one talked brazenly at the receptionist through the glass window that divided them. It wasn’t the only thing that divided them. The receptionist was in no mood, and she went toe to toe with the attitude. Within minutes, everyone in the room knew the whole sordid story of how Goth girl did not have a way to pay for her allergy shot. Her mom usually did that, she argued, and her mom wasn’t there.

Goth girl and her quiet friend sat wounded after the exchange, wondering what to do next, and punching digits into their cell phones.

Then it was my turn at the window.

“How much is my visit today?” I asked. She told me. “How much does the young lady owe?” She told me. “I’d like to pay for her too.” Awkward silence. Then finally with a look that could only be described as utter contempt she said, “If you want to be guilty of aiding and abetting her, be my guest!” (More *gasps* from the crowd.) Now, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was “aiding and abetting”. Was it the way Goth was dressed? The fact that she was gay? Her angry attitude toward the world? Or was it something else? Truth is, it was a very small amount of money. I was not any great saint for paying it. I was simply trying to, in some small way, follow the rule of mercy found in Matthew 18:21-35.

A few insights came to me from this event. I realized that for every one time I show mercy to someone, I probably miss 20 other opportunities. I also realized that when we show mercy, even in simple ways, we will not always be popular for it. But most importantly, in each of these moments that life offers, we get to be more like Jesus. And isn’t that worth it?

When should I get married?

A good friend was chatting with me over lunch about marriage. The question at the table: should young adults be encouraged to get married younger, or wait until they are more mature?

It’s no secret that marriage has taken a beating in our society—divorce rates, media messages, Charlie Sheen (need I say more?). As a result, twenty-somethings are getting married much later in life. In 1960, two-thirds (68%) of all twenty-somethings were married. In 2008, it was down to 26%. Social scientist, Mark Regnerus, recently made the point that in biblical times, Paul had to argue that singleness was a viable option to marriage. But now, it seems, the argument needs to be made for marriage. It’s as if people forgot how beautiful and fulfilling marriage really is. As if they look at it as something to be avoided until the last hour when it’s time to grow up and get serious. Regnerus concludes that because of this mentality, twenty-somethings are giving up some of the best married years of their lives.

Of course, we all know that couple that should have waited a few more years to get married.

I was married at the tender age of 21 and I had no doubts it was the right decision. 18 years later, and I still have no doubts. Was I crazy to get married so early? Shouldn’t I have spent more time “finding myself”, “playing the field”, and pulling all-nighters playing x-box? Why in the world would I give those things up so early in my life?

Besides how incredible my wife is, I have three reasons:

1. Because a monogamous marriage is God’s idea.  I mean, check it out. It’s all over his Book. He’s got the patent on the whole “one man for one woman” thing. And it works too. Especially when He’s at the center. He loves marriage because he invented it. (Things get pretty messy when the patent is changed, though—three’s a crowd.)
2. Because marriage offers relational permanence.  That’s the whole “one flesh” concept (Gen. 2:24). It’s awesome. The longer you’re married, the more intimacy is possible, the closer you can get. With God’s help, divorce does not have to be an option when conflicts arise.
3. Because marriage is the place for life-giving sexuality.  There’s an expression that I absolutely hate. “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?” And yet, it’s how things seem in our over-sexed culture right now. I have heard many express their disdain for marriage, ending in this phrase. If we reserve sexuality and true intimacy for marriage, it elevates the worth of marriage, and lowers the risk of divorce.

So, don’t get married if you are not ready. And there is never a reason to rush into it. But don’t have a negative view of it either that pushes it off too long. You will never get back these invigorating years of your life.