Marriage: "like" or "love" ?

I’m doing a wedding this weekend. In preparation, I came across this powerful verse from an underrated book of the Bible. “For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” (SOS 8:6-7)

About 50% of all marriages end in divorce.

Look at what the passages says about love again: it is as strong as death, and it burns like a blazing fire, it cannot be quenched, it cannot be swept away. If this verse is true (and it is), and it is also true that half of all marriages split apart, then what does that say about love in marriage? Frank Sinatra sang that Love and Marriage go together like a horse and carriage. But do they? Because if they did, then marriage statistics would be much more positive.

I think we have to conclude that the kind of love described in this passage does not exist in many marriages. A lesser form of love is a replacement, one that rides on feelings, life circumstances, and outward conditions. But it is not a love “as strong as death.” It is not a love that burns like a blazing fire. It is a fickle kind of love, that is better described by the word “like.” It is swept away by the pains or desires of this life.

One of the saddest things about divorce is the children that it often leaves behind. In many cases, these children often feel abandoned by one of the parents, most likely their dad, and the wounds cut deep. They often feel like it was their own fault. Sometimes they are simply confused by it all. It takes years for these wounds to heal, and in my opinion, they can only be fully healed with a relationship with God.

If you are divorced and you are reading this, my objective is not to discourage. God grants second chances—new beginnings. And if you are a child of divorce as I am, I hope that you know the healing that God gives through his Son. And let all of us who are married continue to allow God to grow the love that we have with our spouses. The one we merely began on our wedding day. May it truly become a blazing fire. Don’t just settle for “like," strive for love.